Not Today

Sorry for the long long break in posting. There’s been a lot going on in my life recently. But meanwhile, I found this post I started writing a few months ago. It’s not great, but it’s something interesting to think about.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be familiar with the horrible habit of procrastinating.

(Also, if you’re like me, you’ll have read the title and thought that we were talking about Twenty One Pilots. Sorry. Not today. (lol))

Recently, I’ve found myself in a terrible slump. I don’t want to read, I don’t want to write, and I constantly feel like it’s not the right time to do something. I’ve discovered this new form of procrastination which I think is a derivative of me thinking that great things can only happen on special days.

This doesn’t meant that I’m going to do something great, instead this is me even procrastinating ouver the little things. I think, “I want to buy this laptop, but today is just not right. it’s a Tuesday, and the weather is foggy, and even though I know I have the money, I don’t want to make such an important decision after only about ten hours of research and two hours of comparing models and prices.”

In the course I’m currently taking on student success, it talks about figuring out how to overcome procrastination, starting by identifying why you procrastinate. I looked at the list and related to some of them, but this was the one kind that wasn’t included on there. It’s the kind where you’re afraid to start because great things don’t happen in this day and century.

I keep telling myself “Not Today” because today is not yesterday, and yesterday was the day when great things happened. It was the day when revolutions were started, the day peace was won, the day when heroes saved the world. Me, wanting to buy a laptop, or publishing a book, cannot compare with these great moments of history, because today is nothing like then.

but then I realise that once upon a time, yesterday was a today. Did Thomas Jefferson say “I’m not going to write the declaration of independence today because yesterday was when the Magna Carta was signed, when Magellan circumnavigated the globe”?

I want to do something great, I want to make a difference, but if I can’t even go on doing something simple with this in my mind, there’s no way I’ll be able to one day publish a book or complete my college education.

So I’m gonna need to remind myself that today can be a day when history is made. Sure, no one is going to remember the tiny decisions that I made, decisions that won’t really impact anyone around me, but it’s going to be practice for the day when I really do something great.



Growing Up–A Playlist

Adulthood–the most recent change in my life.

At first I thought it was scary. I suddenly had all these responsibilities and all these privileges, I hardly knew what to do. But it’s also really exciting. Childhood is over and, while I still have many mistakes left to make, my life is really just starting.

And since music really speaks to me, I decided to share this playlist I made a while back with a few songs that describe the mixed feelings about adulthood that I’ve had this past year.

Here’s the playlist, and if you scroll down, I wrote down the reasons that I put each song on the playlist.

College Kids by Relient K–I added this song to the playlist when I was feeling a lot of pressure from my family (and myself) to start my college education even though I wasn’t 100% certain of what I wanted to do.

Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots--of course there’s a tøp song I really identified with this song a couple months back when adulthood was looming but not quite here yet. I just wanted to be a kid again.

Hall of Fame by The Script–“you can be the greatest, you can be the best…” I like the theme of this song, telling you that you can be anything.

The Middle by Jimmy Eat World–This has always been one of my favorites, but the line “just be yourself, it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else” describes the lesson I’ve learned that I have to be my own person and not live up to other’s expectations. .

Back Home by Owl City–I may be taking a new path, but I do have a home, whether it be a physical building, the people who are close to me, or the memories that will always stay with me.

House of Gold by Twenty One Pilots–this song just makes me feel happy, though it’s a little sad if you pay attention to the lyrics.

It’s Not Right for You by The Script–“you’ve got one life to love what you do” This inspired me when I decided what I wanted to study for college.

On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons–this past year has been a high point and this song makes me feel like it’s never going to end.

Best Day of My Life by American Authors–this song is my happy song. I️ hear it once and the rest of my day cannot be ruined.

Luck by American Authors–this song also makes me happy, and reminds me that I don’t have to do what everyone wants me to do.

Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan–once again, a happy sounding song that’s kinda depressing. I’m not 100% certain why I added this song.

The Nights by Avicii–This song encourages me to live while I’m young, cause I don’t want to have regrets when I’m older.

I will continue to add to this playlist and listen to it when I’m feeling down or stressed out. Ha. twenty one pilots reference. And I hope it can provide some encouragement to the rest of you out there.

until next time,



Books I own and have reread. (Dragonwitch by Anne Elisabeth Stengl is the only one missing)

A long long time ago when I was younger (okay, maybe only a year ago) I would have told you that I never reread books.


Because despite having a terrible memory, I remembered too much for it to be a worthwhile experience. Because I wouldn’t want to waste my time on something I’ve already completed. They mystery is gone, you already went on that journey. Why bother with it again?

This used to be my thinking. I would look at a book and long to read it again, but something in the back of my head would tell me that I’ve already read it. I already know what happens. I liked it, but there are more important things to devote my time to.

But recently, I’ve taken to rereading books, and I’ve discovered just how much fun it can be.

When reading a good book for the first time, you expose yourself to a new world, new characters, new themes, and scenes. When that story is over, it’s left in your memory as a good time and you move on.

Incarceron by Catherine Fisher. reread 7/31

Rereading gives you the opportunity to return to that story, experience those events again. It’s almost like reliving a certain part in your life. Sometimes while rereading, you can remember when and where you were while reading that book, or rediscovering scenes and characters you had forgotten about, or laid dormant in your memory, or themes that you’ve never seen before.

I’ve reread so many books in the last year and each one was an enjoyable experience. Instead of pursuing a new adventure, it’s like reading a diary: something you experienced once, preserved for you to read it again. Instead of diving into the uncertain, it’s curling up in front of the fire with a familiar tome, safe in the arms of the familiar.

So, I can say with certainty that I will be rereading more books in the future: reliving adventures, falling in love with characters again, and learning new things along the way.

I hope that wasn’t too confusing (pardon my rambling thoughts).

God bless,