Boyfriend (a sequel)

Not too long ago (ok. It was a while ago) I wrote a post about my guy friends. Entitled “boy friend“, I asked why can’t it be the social norm for guys and girls to just be friends.

It was inspired by my growing friendship with my one coworker–a really cool guy who I would stay up late snapchatting because we had a lot in common and therefore a lot to talk about. I had been starting to develop a crush on him, but I wasn’t certain if it was romantic or platonic. But one thing was for sure, I loved him as a friend, and even though we had only been talking for a week, I was willing to call him my best friend.

When writing my post, I remembered every time someone has insisted me and a guy friend should be together, which fueled my rant.

But not too long after writing that post, everything changed. I was convinced I no longer had any feelings for my friend besides the ones of friendship, but when he told me he liked me as more than a friend, I realised I had been lying to myself.

Now, after over three months of dating my best friend, I’ve looked back to see if I would change anything that I said in that post. To tell you the truth, I won’t change it. I meant everything I said. Nothing should be inherently romantic about guys and girls being friends, just like there isn’t anything inherently romantic about girls and girls or guys and guys being friends.

However, there’s one thing I must add. There’s nothing wrong if that ever changes and romance replaces the platonic.

After all, I wouldn’t have a boyfriend if I didn’t at first have a boy friend.



Not Today

Sorry for the long long break in posting. There’s been a lot going on in my life recently. But meanwhile, I found this post I started writing a few months ago. It’s not great, but it’s something interesting to think about.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be familiar with the horrible habit of procrastinating.

(Also, if you’re like me, you’ll have read the title and thought that we were talking about Twenty One Pilots. Sorry. Not today. (lol))

Recently, I’ve found myself in a terrible slump. I don’t want to read, I don’t want to write, and I constantly feel like it’s not the right time to do something. I’ve discovered this new form of procrastination which I think is a derivative of me thinking that great things can only happen on special days.

This doesn’t meant that I’m going to do something great, instead this is me even procrastinating ouver the little things. I think, “I want to buy this laptop, but today is just not right. it’s a Tuesday, and the weather is foggy, and even though I know I have the money, I don’t want to make such an important decision after only about ten hours of research and two hours of comparing models and prices.”

In the course I’m currently taking on student success, it talks about figuring out how to overcome procrastination, starting by identifying why you procrastinate. I looked at the list and related to some of them, but this was the one kind that wasn’t included on there. It’s the kind where you’re afraid to start because great things don’t happen in this day and century.

I keep telling myself “Not Today” because today is not yesterday, and yesterday was the day when great things happened. It was the day when revolutions were started, the day peace was won, the day when heroes saved the world. Me, wanting to buy a laptop, or publishing a book, cannot compare with these great moments of history, because today is nothing like then.

but then I realise that once upon a time, yesterday was a today. Did Thomas Jefferson say “I’m not going to write the declaration of independence today because yesterday was when the Magna Carta was signed, when Magellan circumnavigated the globe”?

I want to do something great, I want to make a difference, but if I can’t even go on doing something simple with this in my mind, there’s no way I’ll be able to one day publish a book or complete my college education.

So I’m gonna need to remind myself that today can be a day when history is made. Sure, no one is going to remember the tiny decisions that I made, decisions that won’t really impact anyone around me, but it’s going to be practice for the day when I really do something great.


Finding Gold

I read the first page. I watch the first episode.

Something about it is different.

I cant put the book down. I click “next episode”.

It’s captured me and I don’t want it to let go.

I close the book. The end credits roll.

It’s all over.

There’s just something all so real about fallingimg_1209 in love with a story. I’ve nearly forgotten what it feels like. But, over the last few days, I’ve fallen in love with Death Note.

It was sudden. It was beautiful. I was staying up until the wee hours of the morning telling myself “just one more”, watching episode after episode. I cheered for the characters, cried when they died (it kinda happened a lot), and thought over the moral message it was portraying. Is it alright to kill people if you’re doing it for all good reasons?

I found something worth as much as gold. I found a new fandom. 

Just like falling in love with a person, it’s easy to look past the flaws, to get excited whenever you hear someone talking about them, and you’re sad when it’s over. (for me, that was 2 A.M. this morning. #sorrynotsorry).

There are so many reasons to declare a story we love as precious to us. One is that they change us. If it wasn’t for Doctor Who, I probably wouldn’t have gotten explorative when it comes to genres. 

Some of us go years without finding a story that we connect with. Some of us love every story we come across. For me, I don’t remember finding a good story in my teen years until I read the Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl a couple years back. Since then I’ve discovered Doctor WhoHarry Potter, and a handful of other stories that I love to pieces.

It’s hard to find something that you’ll enjoy. Sometimes it’s predictable, but you can’t predict that moment when you find what you’re looking for, even if you weren’t aware of what that was. 

My ramblings might not make much sense today, but one thing I want to say is that you should continue exploring.

Look for the stories that touch you and change you. When you find them, don’t let them go, and never stop searching. 

See y’all later ❤


From the Mountaintop

We call them Mountaintop Experiences.

They are the times when you go somewhere far away from your normal life and distractions and get closer to God. Often during these experiences we learn who we are, who God is, and what we should do with our lives. But, when we come down from the mountain, we forget what God told us and soon fall back into the patterns we were used to before we left.

Every year, when I go away, I experience a spiritual high of sorts. I hear God speak as I spend time with him far away from my normal life which is buzzing with distractions. But when I come home, all those lessons are forgotten and I return to my usual patterns of life. I know it is the same for most people, but that doesn’t make it any less of a disheartening occasion. I desperately want to change, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to do so since I’m back in a familiar environment that just urges me to keep doing what I was doing.

Photo on 7-2-17 at 5.10 PM

Just last week, for the second year in a row after coming home from my experience, I remembered a quote from The Silver Chair that I think speaks to this situation. (In all honesty, the entire book speaks to the Mountaintop Experience, but I won’t quote it all here)

“Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind.” -Aslan

Don’t let the busyness of everyday life distract you from what is important: from what you were shown on the mountaintop. As Aslan also says in this chapter, “remember the Signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night.”

Don’t forget. Don’t despair. Keep trying.

This is a lesson I’m still trying to learn, and I know it’s going to be a hard time for me to try to break the old habits and turn out the better from my experiences, but this time I’m relying on God and not myself.

God bless, have a great day, and thanks for reading:)


Farewell to School


Farewell school.

You have been a burden pleasure.

With you I have finished my childhood, and now I must move on in life. I will look back on you in fondness as the days when I could just sit back and imagine what it was like to grow up, when I would complain about having to do schoolwork and wonder why anyone would even want to go to college, but this is the end. I’m not coming back. I’m saying goodbye.

Farewell school.

I won’t miss all the hours spent crying over algebra or the forced literature guides or the callus on my ring finger from having handwritten so many three-point paragraphs. I won’t miss required reading for history which gave me an intense dislike for reading for a very long time.

Farewell school.

I will miss the times exploring my interests, when I would draw people or dragons and turn them in as schoolwork, when I would write novels for NaNoWriMo and count that as english even though the finished products were absolute traitors to grammar. I will miss the freedom of homeschooling.

Farewell school.

I feel like my love of learning came too late, and sometimes I wish I could do it all again just so I could actually appreciate everything my mother tried to teach me as an obstinate fifth grader. I would appreciate the literature guides, the essays, and the history lessons. Gosh, I’d probably even enjoy math (though there is no assurance that I wouldn’t cry again).

Farewell school.

Despite these sentiments, I am glad to say I am finished. Hindsight is twenty/twenty, but the road of life only goes straight forward. Here is where we go separate ways, you to some other child who will probably hate you until it is time for you to go, and me to my future; wherever that leads.

But know this:

If it wasn’t for you, I never would have made it this far.

So, thank you.

and farewell.