My mother always told me it was a good thing to have friends that were guys, but up until a few years ago, I never had one.
Long story short, I made a guy friend and immediately people assumed we had feelings for each other. Girl friends would say we were perfect for each other, and relatives would offer not-so-subtle comments that they wouldn’t mind this friend as a son/grandson-in-law.
And that’s not the only time it’s happened. I mention a guy friend and the first thing people ask is “do you like him?” I talk to a guy and a friend says we’d be “cute”. I mention having a platonic crush and a “friend” starts making jokes about having babies with him.
What is it about this world that makes romance the default for male/female interaction?
What makes a platonic guy/girl relationship so foreign to friends and relatives? The world in general?
No one thinks it’s weird when I say I love my girl friends. No one says I’m obsessed when I’m up until 3 am texting a female. No one has suspicions when I go somewhere with a girl.
I️ understand propriety comes into the equation and requires there to be a few limitations, but if that was the only problem, I wouldn’t be writing this post.
I want to tell my best friend I love him. I want to stay up late talking about deep, important things. I want people to assume when I go somewhere with him that we’re friends and not a couple.
I don’t want to date my guy friends. Often it doesn’t even cross my mind until a romantically inclined friend mentions it and throws me for a loophole. I start to wonder if since that’s what everyone is thinking that it should be what I think.
When can platonic be the default?
When will the world realize friendship is the best relationship out there?
Is it too much to ask for a boy friend instead of a boyfriend?
At first I thought it was scary. I suddenly had all these responsibilities and all these privileges, I hardly knew what to do. But it’s also really exciting. Childhood is over and, while I still have many mistakes left to make, my life is really just starting.
And since music really speaks to me, I decided to share this playlist I made a while back with a few songs that describe the mixed feelings about adulthood that I’ve had this past year.
Here’s the playlist, and if you scroll down, I wrote down the reasons that I put each song on the playlist.
College Kids by Relient K–I added this song to the playlist when I was feeling a lot of pressure from my family (and myself) to start my college education even though I wasn’t 100% certain of what I wanted to do.
Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots--of course there’s a tøp song I really identified with this song a couple months back when adulthood was looming but not quite here yet. I just wanted to be a kid again.
Hall of Fame by The Script–“you can be the greatest, you can be the best…” I like the theme of this song, telling you that you can be anything.
The Middle by Jimmy Eat World–This has always been one of my favorites, but the line “just be yourself, it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else” describes the lesson I’ve learned that I have to be my own person and not live up to other’s expectations. .
Back Home by Owl City–I may be taking a new path, but I do have a home, whether it be a physical building, the people who are close to me, or the memories that will always stay with me.
House of Gold by Twenty One Pilots–this song just makes me feel happy, though it’s a little sad if you pay attention to the lyrics.
It’s Not Right for You by The Script–“you’ve got one life to love what you do” This inspired me when I decided what I wanted to study for college.
On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons–this past year has been a high point and this song makes me feel like it’s never going to end.
Best Day of My Life by American Authors–this song is my happy song. I️ hear it once and the rest of my day cannot be ruined.
Luck by American Authors–this song also makes me happy, and reminds me that I don’t have to do what everyone wants me to do.
Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan–once again, a happy sounding song that’s kinda depressing. I’m not 100% certain why I added this song.
The Nights by Avicii–This song encourages me to live while I’m young, cause I don’t want to have regrets when I’m older.
I will continue to add to this playlist and listen to it when I’m feeling down or stressed out. Ha. twenty one pilots reference. And I hope it can provide some encouragement to the rest of you out there.
So today is an important day in my life. It’s one I’ve been dreading, yet anticipating for quite a while.
It’s my birthday and today I turn 18.
There’s something scary about becoming an adult. Being an adult means responsibility, independence, and taxes, as well as many other things. It’s not that I’m scared of responsibilities or taxes, I already have both, but knowing that I can no longer go back on it and return to being a child is what scares me. I liked having that fallback when I was seventeen. I could avoid paying rent because I was still a child and parents shouldn’t charge their children rent.
Isn’t it funny that when I was a kid (12 or 13 or so) I was telling everyone that I was grown up and responsible and they needed to treat me as an adult, but now that I’m an adult I’m reminiscing and wishing I had maybe a few more years of adolescence?
But there’s something awesome about being an adult (not that I have much experience yet. I’ve only been awake for an hour). Being an adult is like the turning of a page. The start of a new chapter in the book of my life. The last one ended on a cliffhanger and the only direction I can move is forward.
So I’m going to look forward to life as an adult with optimism and a belief that I can do it.
So I went on a hiatus, regrettably without telling anyone. I feel really bad about it, but I’ve just been so swamped with work, school, and writing that I don’t know what to blog about or how to find time to write about it.
(I also spent a lot of time watching Stranger Things seasons 1 & 2 so it wasn’t all work)
Part of my reluctance to blog was due to an anxiety that showed up around a month ago, reminding me that I’m an adult and I don’t want to be an adult yet. I might write a post that goes more in depth with this anxiety, but you’ll have to wait on that because I want to talk about something more important.
First important thing is that I’m a college student! I’m starting my education with Lumerit (or College Plus as you might know it) and am studying counseling. I’m super excited and though I’m a bit behind in my one class, I’m enjoying it very much. (I’d be working on it right now but our internet isn’t working so I decided to blog instead)
Also, other important news:
I’ve been writing quite a bit recently. Yes, I did start NaNoWriMo (albeit a day late), but I’ve also been writing a novella for the Five Poisoned Apples contest.
I’ve talked about this contest before, and showed you a little bit about my story, which is a contemporary retelling.
But the good news is that I’m almost done with it! I’ve written about 80% of the story and edited about 20% of it, so I’m hoping to have it finished by the middle of this month (which translates to the end of the month since I’m a horrible procrastinator) and when that happens, I’ll be asking for beta readers. The story doesn’t have to be perfect before I send it in, but I’d like to have a few second opinions. So keep your eyes out for that over the next few weeks, and if you want to, let me know if you’re interested in reading it.
Thanks everyone! And once again, sorry. I’m hoping to return to blogging consistently soon.
There’s just something all so real about falling in love with a story. I’ve nearly forgotten what it feels like. But, over the last few days, I’ve fallen in love with Death Note.
It was sudden. It was beautiful. I was staying up until the wee hours of the morning telling myself “just one more”, watching episode after episode. I cheered for the characters, cried when they died (it kinda happened a lot), and thought over the moral message it was portraying. Is it alright to kill people if you’re doing it for all good reasons?
I found something worth as much as gold. I found a new fandom.
Just like falling in love with a person, it’s easy to look past the flaws, to get excited whenever you hear someone talking about them, and you’re sad when it’s over. (for me, that was 2 A.M. this morning. #sorrynotsorry).
There are so many reasons to declare a story we love as precious to us. One is that they change us. If it wasn’t for Doctor Who, I probably wouldn’t have gotten explorative when it comes to genres.
Some of us go years without finding a story that we connect with. Some of us love every story we come across. For me, I don’t remember finding a good story in my teen years until I read the Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl a couple years back. Since then I’ve discovered Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and a handful of other stories that I love to pieces.
It’s hard to find something that you’ll enjoy. Sometimes it’s predictable, but you can’t predict that moment when you find what you’re looking for, even if you weren’t aware of what that was.
My ramblings might not make much sense today, but one thing I want to say is that you should continue exploring.
Look for the stories that touch you and change you. When you find them, don’t let them go, and never stop searching.
Happy Blogiversary to me! Apparently, today, 365 days ago, I started my blog.
*throws confetti**slices cake*
Yay! It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long. Though it does simultaneously feel like it’s been longer than that.
(I’m still freaking out that 2017 is almost halfway over. Based on my productivity, it should be July at least)
It’s hard to believe that a year ago I was considering being published by the end of ’17, had no idea I wanted to do with my life (considering a gap year), and hadn’t even considered reading 100 books in a year.
However, I have come very far since then, now that I’m thinking about it. I got my driver’s license, took a college class and loved it, got a job, decided what I want to do with my life, and am currently taking college classes.
So, as for blogging, I haven’t been as consistent as I would like to be, school and my job taking up a lot of my time. But, I’ve published 46 posts, have 37 followers, and consistent views. It makes me so happy to know people like my stuff.
I’m not really doing anything to celebrate this blogiversary besides writing this post. I’m not a big party person.
But, today I’m going to celebrate all you wonderful people who follow me and bother reading my writing and rambling, whether you’re my friend in real life, friend over the internet (which I guess is still real life…), or someone I’ve never met before. I love you guys and wish you the best in your own lives and hope you reach your own goals successfully ❤
Forgive me for being gone for so long, but I come back with a newly discovered hobby/talent.
I discovered that I like photography. I’m not very good at it (yet), but I’m sure with practice I might become okay.
Twenty four days ago, I got a phone. His name is Sam, and he’s an iPhone SE, therefore he has a better camera than my iPod 4, James, or my sister’s iPhone 4. So, the natural thing to do with a better camera is to go out and take pictures.
On Monday, my sister and I took two friends to Lititz Springs Park and, while the sun was setting, we took pictures and had a good time.
Some pictures turned out very well (at least, in my opinion). The sun was setting which was a good opportunity for me to play around with lighting, something I’ve never really bothered with before.
Thank goodness my sister is a willing model. I never look this good in pictures. We didn’t get a lot of pictures–we only had so much time that we could spend in the park–but I am extremely glad that we went.
Now, before I claim to be the only one with an interest in photography within my immediate friend group, it needs to be mentioned that my sister has been interested for a lot longer than I have been and she loves taking nature photos and playing around with poses and setting. Neither of us claim the title of photographer. Though I say she’s better.
And yeah. I’m just writing all these words because I need filler in order to avoid a big photo dump. Though if all you’re here for is the pictures, than by all means, skip the text.
<– Vic is a Ravenclaw, so is Olivia, and Elizabeth is a Hufflepuff. So, as the only Gryffindor in the group, I had to pose with the lion. –>Top: Elizabeth. Left: Vic. Right: Olivia. Bottom: Me.
And now it’s time for the part of the show where we show bloopers:
Left: We found a dead body. JK. Center: Olivia and Victoria take a ride on the Chummy Express. Right: Elizabeth gives Victoria a beard.
Another thing I’ve recently begun to enjoy is photo editing. I’ve been using Pixlr to edit photos for months now and, lo and behold, they have an app so I’m able to edit my photos on my phone. It has tons of filters, overlays, borders, stickers, and fonts. It’s so much fun playing around with pictures and trying out all the different effects.
Left: I upped the saturation and contrast (this is Vic’s favorite) Center: the original. Right: I used the “Splash” tool. (this is my favorite)
Now, for this picture, I had an idea in my head. I wanted a picture of me holding my hand out, basically saying “Nope” “Go away” “Talk to the Hand” “Stop”. A wee bit emo, I admit, but I’m proud of how it turned out after I edited it.
The center is the original. I didn’t like how dark the background was and how the light wasn’t as bright as I was hoping it would be. So, I edited it. The one on the left I did first. I like the colors, though i think I overdid the blur. The one on the right is my attempt to make it brighter and more how I was imagining it in my head. I can’t decide which edit is my favorite.
Anyway, thanks for reading and looking at my pictures!
I’m excited for another beautiful people since I missed the last few and ~voila~ this month it’s about authors so I don’t have to decide which character to do mine about. Choosing between characters is like choosing a favorite child.
Does this also mean I’m beautiful? *hopefully crosses fingers*
Anyway. Here goes.
Introducing me, the author.
How do you decide which project to work on?
Well, it is a complicated sort of decisions. First I decide based on what I should be working on (usually something I have hopes of publishing) and then go and work on something else. #procrastination
2. How long does it usually take you to finish a project?
Honestly, it depends. My very first novel took me two years, my second one about a year and a half, my third a year, and my fourth one month (my first NaNo). I haven’t finished a novel since NaNo ’15. Short stories, on the other hand, take anywhere from thirty minutes to two years to complete.
3. Do you have any routines to put you in the writing mood?
Freewriting about worldbuilding or character motivations often gives me motivation to work on the actual project. Sometimes I’ll also get in the mood after watching a good movie or listening to an interesting song.
4. What time of day do you write best?
The evening. I am a night owl through and through and will do anything to avoid going to bed.
5. Are there any authors you think you have a similar style to?
Not…really. I don’t think I’ve fully developed my “writing voice”, so it fluctuates from project to project. Though I’ve really been impressed by the style of C. S. Lewis, Anne Elisabeth Stengl, and Markus Zusak, so my style might borrow from theirs.
6. Why did you start writing, and why do you keep writing?
I started because my friend had written a novel and it sounded like fun. I scrapped a few plots and first chapters, then found a good starting point and never really stopped. I keep writing because I think, once I become better, I’ll be able to share through my stories. I want to give people something they will enjoy and show them the things I’ve learned through the challenges my characters face.
7. What’s the hardest thing you’ve written?
Research papers for school. Those are really really hard because you have to research everything and I hate research which is why I do not write historical fiction.
8. Is there a project you want to tackle someday but you don’t feel ready yet?
I want to write a musical soooooo bad. I don’t have any solid ideas yet, but it sounds like a lot of fun. You get to write dialogue, action, lyrics, and music. I’m just not ready yet because my music composition skills are rusty and I can’t rhyme to save my life.
I also want to write a screenplay. I feel more prepared to write a screenplay than I do to write a musical, but I just don’t have any solid ideas yet: just a few started projects that I am rather pleased with but ,sadly, very stuck in.
9. What writing goals did you make for 2017 and how are they going?
One of my two goals for this year is to publish a book.
I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I haven’t been focusing on a project in particular.
But, my other goals for this year are to complete all the NaNos, and so far I managed to complete April’s goal. So far June is a bit rocky, but I’m hoping to catch up soon.
Also, my goal is to finish at least one entry for the Five Poisoned Apples contest. I have two ideas so hopefully I will be able to complete this.
10. Describe your writing process in 3 words or a gif!
So, I hope y’all liked that!
Let me know your own answer to question #8 in the comments. That’s a really good question. I like that one.
They are the times when you go somewhere far away from your normal life and distractions and get closer to God. Often during these experiences we learn who we are, who God is, and what we should do with our lives. But, when we come down from the mountain, we forget what God told us and soon fall back into the patterns we were used to before we left.
Every year, when I go away, I experience a spiritual high of sorts. I hear God speak as I spend time with him far away from my normal life which is buzzing with distractions. But when I come home, all those lessons are forgotten and I return to my usual patterns of life. I know it is the same for most people, but that doesn’t make it any less of a disheartening occasion. I desperately want to change, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to do so since I’m back in a familiar environment that just urges me to keep doing what I was doing.
Just last week, for the second year in a row after coming home from my experience, I remembered a quote from The Silver Chair that I think speaks to this situation. (In all honesty, the entire book speaks to the Mountaintop Experience, but I won’t quote it all here)
“Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind.” -Aslan
Don’t let the busyness of everyday life distract you from what is important: from what you were shown on the mountaintop. As Aslan also says in this chapter, “remember the Signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night.”
Don’t forget. Don’t despair. Keep trying.
This is a lesson I’m still trying to learn, and I know it’s going to be a hard time for me to try to break the old habits and turn out the better from my experiences, but this time I’m relying on God and not myself.
God bless, have a great day, and thanks for reading:)
I used to love shopping, but recently I have begun to despise it because it takes too much time; time that I could be spending writing or thinking about writing or another method of procrastination.
But, over the course of the last month or so, I have been shopping a few times and I discovered two stores that I really wish I had encountered a while ago.
Just like with my previous post, Two Amazing Things I Discovered This Week, everyone is probably aware of these stores’ existence, most likely have been there a couple of times, and it’s just me who is uncultured because I never go shopping.
So the first store I discovered was Hot Topic. I had heard about it, mostly on the internet, though one friend had recommended it to me.
My sister decided to go to the mall and I came along, packing a book or two just to make sure I wasn’t bored. It must have been May 2nd because that’s when I started reading Paper Towns. She was looking for a dress. I was looking for something anything that was less than ten dollars (no luck there). The mall is just too dang expensive and I don’t understand why girls would even want to wear half the stuff I saw.
Then, as we were walking around Abercrombie and Fitch or Aeropostale or <insert clothing store name that starts with an “A”>, I happened to see Hot Topic just down the hall. I went in, passing a rack of graphic tees and tanks, the one on the front saying “Panic! At the Disco”, and fell in love.
There was Harry Potter merch in the front of the store: Hogwarts house tanks, Fantastic Beasts necklaces, mugs, pants, and other things. Then I soon found the Doctor Who section, and in the very back there were the band tees. I couldn’t decide which Twenty One Pilots shirt I preferred (there were maybe five styles). The interior was dark and small and they played “Death of a Bachelor”, among other songs that you never hear on the radio. I eventually had to leave, but I returned and finally decided on and bought a TØP shirt.
The second store I discovered was Barnes and Noble. I went there on Mother’s Day with a friend. I absolutely loved walking in and seeing all the books. I know a lot of people talk about smelling books, but I honestly don’t think that books have a smell. Sorry for being a bad bookworm
I wanted to sit there all day and just read all the books. Maybe buy one or two. In the end I bought a book, Made You Up, because I decided to indulge myself instead of doing the usual two hours of research and finding references before I make a purchase. I finally read it two days ago. It was pretty good and from what I understand is a good representation of schizophrenia, not to mention that the cover is beautiful. I did write a review on it, but it’s not all that great because I only spent fifteen minutes on it before I had to leave for work. And….just a little thing that made me happy….on the receipt, they had a list of books that you might like if you enjoyed the book you bought. I’m hanging onto it with the plans of eventually checking out those other books.
And the bags have the first lines of classic novels and beautiful black and white illustrations.
So, now I shall end this post saying that I am no longer fully uncultured and that I shall look forward to going shopping again at these stores.
I AM NO LONGER FULLY UNCULTURED AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SHOPPING AGAIN
Thank you for reading, wonderful person.
Let me know if there’s another fandom or bookish store that I should check out.