Boyfriend (a sequel)

Not too long ago (ok. It was a while ago) I wrote a post about my guy friends. Entitled “boy friend“, I asked why can’t it be the social norm for guys and girls to just be friends.

It was inspired by my growing friendship with my one coworker–a really cool guy who I would stay up late snapchatting because we had a lot in common and therefore a lot to talk about. I had been starting to develop a crush on him, but I wasn’t certain if it was romantic or platonic. But one thing was for sure, I loved him as a friend, and even though we had only been talking for a week, I was willing to call him my best friend.

When writing my post, I remembered every time someone has insisted me and a guy friend should be together, which fueled my rant.

But not too long after writing that post, everything changed. I was convinced I no longer had any feelings for my friend besides the ones of friendship, but when he told me he liked me as more than a friend, I realised I had been lying to myself.

Now, after over three months of dating my best friend, I’ve looked back to see if I would change anything that I said in that post. To tell you the truth, I won’t change it. I meant everything I said. Nothing should be inherently romantic about guys and girls being friends, just like there isn’t anything inherently romantic about girls and girls or guys and guys being friends.

However, there’s one thing I must add. There’s nothing wrong if that ever changes and romance replaces the platonic.

After all, I wouldn’t have a boyfriend if I didn’t at first have a boy friend.



Not Today

Sorry for the long long break in posting. There’s been a lot going on in my life recently. But meanwhile, I found this post I started writing a few months ago. It’s not great, but it’s something interesting to think about.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be familiar with the horrible habit of procrastinating.

(Also, if you’re like me, you’ll have read the title and thought that we were talking about Twenty One Pilots. Sorry. Not today. (lol))

Recently, I’ve found myself in a terrible slump. I don’t want to read, I don’t want to write, and I constantly feel like it’s not the right time to do something. I’ve discovered this new form of procrastination which I think is a derivative of me thinking that great things can only happen on special days.

This doesn’t meant that I’m going to do something great, instead this is me even procrastinating ouver the little things. I think, “I want to buy this laptop, but today is just not right. it’s a Tuesday, and the weather is foggy, and even though I know I have the money, I don’t want to make such an important decision after only about ten hours of research and two hours of comparing models and prices.”

In the course I’m currently taking on student success, it talks about figuring out how to overcome procrastination, starting by identifying why you procrastinate. I looked at the list and related to some of them, but this was the one kind that wasn’t included on there. It’s the kind where you’re afraid to start because great things don’t happen in this day and century.

I keep telling myself “Not Today” because today is not yesterday, and yesterday was the day when great things happened. It was the day when revolutions were started, the day peace was won, the day when heroes saved the world. Me, wanting to buy a laptop, or publishing a book, cannot compare with these great moments of history, because today is nothing like then.

but then I realise that once upon a time, yesterday was a today. Did Thomas Jefferson say “I’m not going to write the declaration of independence today because yesterday was when the Magna Carta was signed, when Magellan circumnavigated the globe”?

I want to do something great, I want to make a difference, but if I can’t even go on doing something simple with this in my mind, there’s no way I’ll be able to one day publish a book or complete my college education.

So I’m gonna need to remind myself that today can be a day when history is made. Sure, no one is going to remember the tiny decisions that I made, decisions that won’t really impact anyone around me, but it’s going to be practice for the day when I really do something great.


Homing pigeon//an attempt at poetry

My greatest wish was for a pair of wings

for my feet are rooted to this earth

pounding against the walls makes my head ring

but I knew not what freedom was worth

now I’m a bird and I have my wings

I fought to leave that cage

but I flew towards familiar things

and forgot about wanting change

These wings promised me places

that I have never seen

but I still see familiar faces

though I walk a different street

I was going through my phone and found this poem that I wrote a few months ago after watching Forrest Gump for the first time. While it’s not my favorite movie, something just resonated inside of me while watching it and I felt that I needed a reminder that when I get out there in the world and finally leave my home, that I don’t return to what I want to leave behind.

I left out a few of the lines, and at some point I’m going to try to rewrite it, because I need to put these feelings into words, and this doesn’t feel perfect yet.

thank you for reading my attempt at poetry. Maybe you liked it, maybe you didn’t, but what matters is that I shared it.

Till next time,


Boy friend

My mother always told me it was a good thing to have friends that were guys, but up until a few years ago, I never had one.

Long story short, I made a guy friend and immediately people assumed we had feelings for each other. Girl friends would say we were perfect for each other, and relatives would offer not-so-subtle comments that they wouldn’t mind this friend as a son/grandson-in-law.

And that’s not the only time it’s happened. I mention a guy friend and the first thing people ask is “do you like him?” I talk to a guy and a friend says we’d be “cute”. I mention having a platonic crush and a “friend” starts making jokes about having babies with him.

What is it about this world that makes romance the default for male/female interaction?

What makes a platonic guy/girl relationship so foreign to friends and relatives? The world in general?

No one thinks it’s weird when I say I love my girl friends. No one says I’m obsessed when I’m up until 3 am texting a female. No one has suspicions when I go somewhere with a girl.

I️ understand propriety comes into the equation and requires there to be a few limitations, but if that was the only problem, I wouldn’t be writing this post.

I want to tell my best friend I love him. I want to stay up late talking about deep, important things. I want people to assume when I go somewhere with him that we’re friends and not a couple.

I don’t want to date my guy friends. Often it doesn’t even cross my mind until a romantically inclined friend mentions it and throws me for a loophole. I start to wonder if since that’s what everyone is thinking that it should be what I think.

When can platonic be the default?

When will the world realize friendship is the best relationship out there?

Is it too much to ask for a boy friend instead of a boyfriend?

Growing Up–A Playlist

Adulthood–the most recent change in my life.

At first I thought it was scary. I suddenly had all these responsibilities and all these privileges, I hardly knew what to do. But it’s also really exciting. Childhood is over and, while I still have many mistakes left to make, my life is really just starting.

And since music really speaks to me, I decided to share this playlist I made a while back with a few songs that describe the mixed feelings about adulthood that I’ve had this past year.

Here’s the playlist, and if you scroll down, I wrote down the reasons that I put each song on the playlist.

College Kids by Relient K–I added this song to the playlist when I was feeling a lot of pressure from my family (and myself) to start my college education even though I wasn’t 100% certain of what I wanted to do.

Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots--of course there’s a tøp song I really identified with this song a couple months back when adulthood was looming but not quite here yet. I just wanted to be a kid again.

Hall of Fame by The Script–“you can be the greatest, you can be the best…” I like the theme of this song, telling you that you can be anything.

The Middle by Jimmy Eat World–This has always been one of my favorites, but the line “just be yourself, it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else” describes the lesson I’ve learned that I have to be my own person and not live up to other’s expectations. .

Back Home by Owl City–I may be taking a new path, but I do have a home, whether it be a physical building, the people who are close to me, or the memories that will always stay with me.

House of Gold by Twenty One Pilots–this song just makes me feel happy, though it’s a little sad if you pay attention to the lyrics.

It’s Not Right for You by The Script–“you’ve got one life to love what you do” This inspired me when I decided what I wanted to study for college.

On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons–this past year has been a high point and this song makes me feel like it’s never going to end.

Best Day of My Life by American Authors–this song is my happy song. I️ hear it once and the rest of my day cannot be ruined.

Luck by American Authors–this song also makes me happy, and reminds me that I don’t have to do what everyone wants me to do.

Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan–once again, a happy sounding song that’s kinda depressing. I’m not 100% certain why I added this song.

The Nights by Avicii–This song encourages me to live while I’m young, cause I don’t want to have regrets when I’m older.

I will continue to add to this playlist and listen to it when I’m feeling down or stressed out. Ha. twenty one pilots reference. And I hope it can provide some encouragement to the rest of you out there.

until next time,


Lady Dragon, Tela Du book review

I hate doing this, but it’s about time I DNFed25873539 this book. I’m done. It’s annoying the heck out of me, it’s been almost a year, and I don’t want to finish. 

I’m giving it two stars instead of one because–I don’t know–it could get better? Also, I really like Kendra E. Ardnek. She’s a great inspiration to many, even me at one point, and it’s amazing what she’s done.
But this book is not my cup of tea. I did enjoy Water princess, Fire Prince, but that was also years ago and my opinions have changed since then.
Here comes the list.

(mild spoilers ahead)
What I did not like about the 43% I read of Lady Dragon, Tela Du :
–Too much backstory. It’s hard to keep track of it all. There are ten rulers or something who came from our world, and then seven people, and the timelines are different between our worlds. Very reminiscent of Narnia, but not as good because Narnia came first, did it well, and didn’t have a ton of backstory to remember.
–Petra was Gosh. Dang. Annoying. She was mean to everyone and I didn’t understand the whole thing with the accent or her obsession with purple. She was really possessive of Reuben and unsupportive of his decisions even though she claimed to be his best friend. Really uncool. That’s not a healthy relationship. I’m also surprised Reuben never called her out on her BS. (well, he might have, but I probably didn’t read it)
–Reuben was creepy. He seemed like a great guy but the way he’s still after Petra even after she keeps telling him it’s not going to happen (not to mention how mean she is) is incredibly stalkerish and problematic. She should have gotten a restraining order or something.
–Respect each other already. Petra–let him have a girlfriend. Reuben–you’re a creepy stalker man.
–And they’re being forced into a marriage at 16. Not cool not cool. They basically have no say in the matter. It’s either get married, or fail to save the world.
–The parents are okay with forcing their children into this arrangement. NOT COOL. Just cause it worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for them.
–Bend some rules already. It’s 2018. You can rule together without being married.
–(and Petra goes from not wanting to ever go beyond friends to wanting his babies??!? TRIGGERED)
–The only person I like is Laura. I also like Amber. She’s cool.

These are just my opinions on the book. Who knows? You might like it. But if you’re triggered by arranged marriages and Narnia ripoffs, stay away.
I also really hate to write one of the only negative reviews of this book, but these issues need to be addressed.

The End of a Year

I know I’m not the only one making a post about the end of the year, and the fact that I’m not being original makes me feel lazy, but I really don’t care.

apologies once again for being absent for so long! I lost track of time and other things have been vying for my attention.

Early this year I gave myself a set of goals. I wanted to 1) be published and 2) get a job. (I also had a goodreads goal of finishing 100 books and I finally completed that today)

I have a job, but I am no closer to having published a book now than I was a year ago. And that’s a reason why I have been absent on this blog.

Writing no longer seems to be my passion. I love doing it, but the stories no longer come to me as easily, and I’d much rather make a point by writing a long detailed essay instead of telling it through story. I’ve also switched my focus to psychology, and because Write Whatever is a blog about writing, I felt like I couldn’t talk about my life and everything that is going on.

But that’s going to change. I won’t get a new blog, but I’m thinking of changing the name of this one. I will be sharing writing (if I ever finish anything), but I’ll also just be blogging about life, fun things I’ve done, lessons I’ve learned, and books I’ve read.

2018 is a year for new beginnings, new mistakes, and new adventures.

I’m not making any goals because I’m not going to be the same person at the end of 2018 as the person I am today. And that’s a wonderful thing to think about.

until next year,



On turning the page…

So today is an important day in my life. It’s one I’ve been dreading, yet anticipating for quite a while.

It’s my birthday and today I turn 18.

There’s something scary about becoming an adult. Being an adult means responsibility, independence, and taxes, as well as many other things. It’s not that I’m scared of responsibilities or taxes, I already have both, but knowing that I can no longer go back on it and return to being a child is what scares me. I liked having that fallback when I was seventeen. I could avoid paying rent because I was still a child and parents shouldn’t charge their children rent.

Isn’t it funny that when I was a kid (12 or 13 or so) I was telling everyone that I was grown up and responsible and they needed to treat me as an adult, but now that I’m an adult I’m reminiscing and wishing I had maybe a few more years of adolescence?

But there’s something awesome about being an adult (not that I have much experience yet. I’ve only been awake for an hour). Being an adult is like the turning of a page. The start of a new chapter in the book of my life. The last one ended on a cliffhanger and the only direction I can move is forward.

So I’m going to look forward to life as an adult with optimism and a belief that I can do it.

How hard can it be?

Thanks for reading!


Life and apologies

So I went on a hiatus, regrettably without telling anyone. I feel really bad about it, but I’ve just been so swamped with work, school, and writing that I don’t know what to blog about or how to find time to write about it.

(I also spent a lot of time watching Stranger Things seasons 1 & 2 so it wasn’t all work)

Part of my reluctance to blog was due to an anxiety that showed up around a month ago, reminding me that I’m an adult and I don’t want to be an adult yet. I might write a post that goes more in depth with this anxiety, but you’ll have to wait on that because I want to talk about something more important.

First important thing is that I’m a college student! I’m starting my education with Lumerit (or College Plus as you might know it) and am studying counseling. I’m super excited and though I’m a bit behind in my one class, I’m enjoying it very much. (I’d be working on it right now but our internet isn’t working so I decided to blog instead)

Also, other important news:

I’ve been writing quite a bit recently. Yes, I did start NaNoWriMo (albeit a day late), but I’ve also been writing a novella for the Five Poisoned Apples contest.

I’ve talked about this contest before, and showed you a little bit about my story, which is a contemporary retelling.

But the good news is that I’m almost done with it! I’ve written about 80% of the story and edited about 20% of it, so I’m hoping to have it finished by the middle of this month (which translates to the end of the month since I’m a horrible procrastinator) and when that happens, I’ll be asking for beta readers. The story doesn’t have to be perfect before I send it in, but I’d like to have a few second opinions. So keep your eyes out for that over the next few weeks, and if you want to, let me know if you’re interested in reading it.

Thanks everyone! And once again, sorry. I’m hoping to return to blogging consistently soon.



Finding Gold

I read the first page. I watch the first episode.

Something about it is different.

I cant put the book down. I click “next episode”.

It’s captured me and I don’t want it to let go.

I close the book. The end credits roll.

It’s all over.

There’s just something all so real about fallingimg_1209 in love with a story. I’ve nearly forgotten what it feels like. But, over the last few days, I’ve fallen in love with Death Note.

It was sudden. It was beautiful. I was staying up until the wee hours of the morning telling myself “just one more”, watching episode after episode. I cheered for the characters, cried when they died (it kinda happened a lot), and thought over the moral message it was portraying. Is it alright to kill people if you’re doing it for all good reasons?

I found something worth as much as gold. I found a new fandom. 

Just like falling in love with a person, it’s easy to look past the flaws, to get excited whenever you hear someone talking about them, and you’re sad when it’s over. (for me, that was 2 A.M. this morning. #sorrynotsorry).

There are so many reasons to declare a story we love as precious to us. One is that they change us. If it wasn’t for Doctor Who, I probably wouldn’t have gotten explorative when it comes to genres. 

Some of us go years without finding a story that we connect with. Some of us love every story we come across. For me, I don’t remember finding a good story in my teen years until I read the Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl a couple years back. Since then I’ve discovered Doctor WhoHarry Potter, and a handful of other stories that I love to pieces.

It’s hard to find something that you’ll enjoy. Sometimes it’s predictable, but you can’t predict that moment when you find what you’re looking for, even if you weren’t aware of what that was. 

My ramblings might not make much sense today, but one thing I want to say is that you should continue exploring.

Look for the stories that touch you and change you. When you find them, don’t let them go, and never stop searching. 

See y’all later ❤