Homing pigeon//an attempt at poetry

My greatest wish was for a pair of wings

for my feet are rooted to this earth

pounding against the walls makes my head ring

but I knew not what freedom was worth

now I’m a bird and I have my wings

I fought to leave that cage

but I flew towards familiar things

and forgot about wanting change

These wings promised me places

that I have never seen

but I still see familiar faces

though I walk a different street


I was going through my phone and found this poem that I wrote a few months ago after watching Forrest Gump for the first time. While it’s not my favorite movie, something just resonated inside of me while watching it and I felt that I needed a reminder that when I get out there in the world and finally leave my home, that I don’t return to what I want to leave behind.

I left out a few of the lines, and at some point I’m going to try to rewrite it, because I need to put these feelings into words, and this doesn’t feel perfect yet.

thank you for reading my attempt at poetry. Maybe you liked it, maybe you didn’t, but what matters is that I shared it.

Till next time,

Cath

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Boy friend

My mother always told me it was a good thing to have friends that were guys, but up until a few years ago, I never had one.

Long story short, I made a guy friend and immediately people assumed we had feelings for each other. Girl friends would say we were perfect for each other, and relatives would offer not-so-subtle comments that they wouldn’t mind this friend as a son/grandson-in-law.

And that’s not the only time it’s happened. I mention a guy friend and the first thing people ask is “do you like him?” I talk to a guy and a friend says we’d be “cute”. I mention having a platonic crush and a “friend” starts making jokes about having babies with him.

What is it about this world that makes romance the default for male/female interaction?

What makes a platonic guy/girl relationship so foreign to friends and relatives? The world in general?

No one thinks it’s weird when I say I love my girl friends. No one says I’m obsessed when I’m up until 3 am texting a female. No one has suspicions when I go somewhere with a girl.

I️ understand propriety comes into the equation and requires there to be a few limitations, but if that was the only problem, I wouldn’t be writing this post.

I want to tell my best friend I love him. I want to stay up late talking about deep, important things. I want people to assume when I go somewhere with him that we’re friends and not a couple.

I don’t want to date my guy friends. Often it doesn’t even cross my mind until a romantically inclined friend mentions it and throws me for a loophole. I start to wonder if since that’s what everyone is thinking that it should be what I think.

When can platonic be the default?

When will the world realize friendship is the best relationship out there?

Is it too much to ask for a boy friend instead of a boyfriend?

Growing Up–A Playlist

Adulthood–the most recent change in my life.

At first I thought it was scary. I suddenly had all these responsibilities and all these privileges, I hardly knew what to do. But it’s also really exciting. Childhood is over and, while I still have many mistakes left to make, my life is really just starting.

And since music really speaks to me, I decided to share this playlist I made a while back with a few songs that describe the mixed feelings about adulthood that I’ve had this past year.

Here’s the playlist, and if you scroll down, I wrote down the reasons that I put each song on the playlist.

College Kids by Relient K–I added this song to the playlist when I was feeling a lot of pressure from my family (and myself) to start my college education even though I wasn’t 100% certain of what I wanted to do.

Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots--of course there’s a tøp song I really identified with this song a couple months back when adulthood was looming but not quite here yet. I just wanted to be a kid again.

Hall of Fame by The Script–“you can be the greatest, you can be the best…” I like the theme of this song, telling you that you can be anything.

The Middle by Jimmy Eat World–This has always been one of my favorites, but the line “just be yourself, it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else” describes the lesson I’ve learned that I have to be my own person and not live up to other’s expectations. .

Back Home by Owl City–I may be taking a new path, but I do have a home, whether it be a physical building, the people who are close to me, or the memories that will always stay with me.

House of Gold by Twenty One Pilots–this song just makes me feel happy, though it’s a little sad if you pay attention to the lyrics.

It’s Not Right for You by The Script–“you’ve got one life to love what you do” This inspired me when I decided what I wanted to study for college.

On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons–this past year has been a high point and this song makes me feel like it’s never going to end.

Best Day of My Life by American Authors–this song is my happy song. I️ hear it once and the rest of my day cannot be ruined.

Luck by American Authors–this song also makes me happy, and reminds me that I don’t have to do what everyone wants me to do.

Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan–once again, a happy sounding song that’s kinda depressing. I’m not 100% certain why I added this song.

The Nights by Avicii–This song encourages me to live while I’m young, cause I don’t want to have regrets when I’m older.


I will continue to add to this playlist and listen to it when I’m feeling down or stressed out. Ha. twenty one pilots reference. And I hope it can provide some encouragement to the rest of you out there.

until next time,

Cath

Lady Dragon, Tela Du book review

I hate doing this, but it’s about time I DNFed25873539 this book. I’m done. It’s annoying the heck out of me, it’s been almost a year, and I don’t want to finish. 

I’m giving it two stars instead of one because–I don’t know–it could get better? Also, I really like Kendra E. Ardnek. She’s a great inspiration to many, even me at one point, and it’s amazing what she’s done.
But this book is not my cup of tea. I did enjoy Water princess, Fire Prince, but that was also years ago and my opinions have changed since then.
Here comes the list.

(mild spoilers ahead)
What I did not like about the 43% I read of Lady Dragon, Tela Du :
–Too much backstory. It’s hard to keep track of it all. There are ten rulers or something who came from our world, and then seven people, and the timelines are different between our worlds. Very reminiscent of Narnia, but not as good because Narnia came first, did it well, and didn’t have a ton of backstory to remember.
–Petra was Gosh. Dang. Annoying. She was mean to everyone and I didn’t understand the whole thing with the accent or her obsession with purple. She was really possessive of Reuben and unsupportive of his decisions even though she claimed to be his best friend. Really uncool. That’s not a healthy relationship. I’m also surprised Reuben never called her out on her BS. (well, he might have, but I probably didn’t read it)
–Reuben was creepy. He seemed like a great guy but the way he’s still after Petra even after she keeps telling him it’s not going to happen (not to mention how mean she is) is incredibly stalkerish and problematic. She should have gotten a restraining order or something.
–Respect each other already. Petra–let him have a girlfriend. Reuben–you’re a creepy stalker man.
–And they’re being forced into a marriage at 16. Not cool not cool. They basically have no say in the matter. It’s either get married, or fail to save the world.
–The parents are okay with forcing their children into this arrangement. NOT COOL. Just cause it worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for them.
–Bend some rules already. It’s 2018. You can rule together without being married.
–(and Petra goes from not wanting to ever go beyond friends to wanting his babies??!? TRIGGERED)
–The only person I like is Laura. I also like Amber. She’s cool.

These are just my opinions on the book. Who knows? You might like it. But if you’re triggered by arranged marriages and Narnia ripoffs, stay away.
I also really hate to write one of the only negative reviews of this book, but these issues need to be addressed.

The End of a Year

I know I’m not the only one making a post about the end of the year, and the fact that I’m not being original makes me feel lazy, but I really don’t care.

apologies once again for being absent for so long! I lost track of time and other things have been vying for my attention.

Early this year I gave myself a set of goals. I wanted to 1) be published and 2) get a job. (I also had a goodreads goal of finishing 100 books and I finally completed that today)

I have a job, but I am no closer to having published a book now than I was a year ago. And that’s a reason why I have been absent on this blog.

Writing no longer seems to be my passion. I love doing it, but the stories no longer come to me as easily, and I’d much rather make a point by writing a long detailed essay instead of telling it through story. I’ve also switched my focus to psychology, and because Write Whatever is a blog about writing, I felt like I couldn’t talk about my life and everything that is going on.

But that’s going to change. I won’t get a new blog, but I’m thinking of changing the name of this one. I will be sharing writing (if I ever finish anything), but I’ll also just be blogging about life, fun things I’ve done, lessons I’ve learned, and books I’ve read.

2018 is a year for new beginnings, new mistakes, and new adventures.

I’m not making any goals because I’m not going to be the same person at the end of 2018 as the person I am today. And that’s a wonderful thing to think about.

until next year,

Cath

 

On turning the page…

So today is an important day in my life. It’s one I’ve been dreading, yet anticipating for quite a while.

It’s my birthday and today I turn 18.

There’s something scary about becoming an adult. Being an adult means responsibility, independence, and taxes, as well as many other things. It’s not that I’m scared of responsibilities or taxes, I already have both, but knowing that I can no longer go back on it and return to being a child is what scares me. I liked having that fallback when I was seventeen. I could avoid paying rent because I was still a child and parents shouldn’t charge their children rent.

Isn’t it funny that when I was a kid (12 or 13 or so) I was telling everyone that I was grown up and responsible and they needed to treat me as an adult, but now that I’m an adult I’m reminiscing and wishing I had maybe a few more years of adolescence?

But there’s something awesome about being an adult (not that I have much experience yet. I’ve only been awake for an hour). Being an adult is like the turning of a page. The start of a new chapter in the book of my life. The last one ended on a cliffhanger and the only direction I can move is forward.

So I’m going to look forward to life as an adult with optimism and a belief that I can do it.

How hard can it be?


Thanks for reading!

Cath

Life and apologies

So I went on a hiatus, regrettably without telling anyone. I feel really bad about it, but I’ve just been so swamped with work, school, and writing that I don’t know what to blog about or how to find time to write about it.

(I also spent a lot of time watching Stranger Things seasons 1 & 2 so it wasn’t all work)

Part of my reluctance to blog was due to an anxiety that showed up around a month ago, reminding me that I’m an adult and I don’t want to be an adult yet. I might write a post that goes more in depth with this anxiety, but you’ll have to wait on that because I want to talk about something more important.

First important thing is that I’m a college student! I’m starting my education with Lumerit (or College Plus as you might know it) and am studying counseling. I’m super excited and though I’m a bit behind in my one class, I’m enjoying it very much. (I’d be working on it right now but our internet isn’t working so I decided to blog instead)

Also, other important news:

I’ve been writing quite a bit recently. Yes, I did start NaNoWriMo (albeit a day late), but I’ve also been writing a novella for the Five Poisoned Apples contest.

I’ve talked about this contest before, and showed you a little bit about my story, which is a contemporary retelling.

But the good news is that I’m almost done with it! I’ve written about 80% of the story and edited about 20% of it, so I’m hoping to have it finished by the middle of this month (which translates to the end of the month since I’m a horrible procrastinator) and when that happens, I’ll be asking for beta readers. The story doesn’t have to be perfect before I send it in, but I’d like to have a few second opinions. So keep your eyes out for that over the next few weeks, and if you want to, let me know if you’re interested in reading it.

Thanks everyone! And once again, sorry. I’m hoping to return to blogging consistently soon.

~

Catherine

Finding Gold

I read the first page. I watch the first episode.

Something about it is different.

I cant put the book down. I click “next episode”.

It’s captured me and I don’t want it to let go.

I close the book. The end credits roll.

It’s all over.


There’s just something all so real about fallingimg_1209 in love with a story. I’ve nearly forgotten what it feels like. But, over the last few days, I’ve fallen in love with Death Note.

It was sudden. It was beautiful. I was staying up until the wee hours of the morning telling myself “just one more”, watching episode after episode. I cheered for the characters, cried when they died (it kinda happened a lot), and thought over the moral message it was portraying. Is it alright to kill people if you’re doing it for all good reasons?

I found something worth as much as gold. I found a new fandom. 

Just like falling in love with a person, it’s easy to look past the flaws, to get excited whenever you hear someone talking about them, and you’re sad when it’s over. (for me, that was 2 A.M. this morning. #sorrynotsorry).

There are so many reasons to declare a story we love as precious to us. One is that they change us. If it wasn’t for Doctor Who, I probably wouldn’t have gotten explorative when it comes to genres. 

Some of us go years without finding a story that we connect with. Some of us love every story we come across. For me, I don’t remember finding a good story in my teen years until I read the Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl a couple years back. Since then I’ve discovered Doctor WhoHarry Potter, and a handful of other stories that I love to pieces.

It’s hard to find something that you’ll enjoy. Sometimes it’s predictable, but you can’t predict that moment when you find what you’re looking for, even if you weren’t aware of what that was. 

My ramblings might not make much sense today, but one thing I want to say is that you should continue exploring.

Look for the stories that touch you and change you. When you find them, don’t let them go, and never stop searching. 


See y’all later ❤

Catherine

Blogiversary

Happy Blogiversary to me! Apparently, today, 365 days ago, I started my blog.

*throws confetti**slices cake*

Yay! It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long. Though it does simultaneously feel like it’s been longer than that.

(I’m still freaking out that 2017 is almost halfway over. Based on my productivity, it should be July at least)

It’s hard to believe that a year ago I was considering being published by the end of ’17, had no idea I wanted to do with my life (considering a gap year), and hadn’t even considered reading 100 books in a year.

However, I have come very far since then, now that I’m thinking about it. I got my driver’s license, took a college class and loved it, got a job, decided what I want to do with my life, and am currently taking college classes.

So, as for blogging, I haven’t been as consistent as I would like to be, school and my job taking up a lot of my time. But, I’ve published 46 posts, have 37 followers, and consistent views. It makes me so happy to know people like my stuff.

I’m not really doing anything to celebrate this blogiversary besides writing this post. I’m not a big party person.

But, today I’m going to celebrate all you wonderful people who follow me and bother reading my writing and rambling, whether you’re my friend in real life, friend over the internet (which I guess is still real life…), or someone I’ve never met before. I love you guys and wish you the best in your own lives and hope you reach your own goals successfully ❤

Be awesome 🙂

Here’s to another fun year of blogging!

Catherine

Crys–Beautiful People//august

I was hoping for the chance to write a post about my current project–Poisoned Mind–and since the Beautiful People questions for this month match up well with my MC and her struggles, I guess I’ll combine the two. Though, I am a bit late. The month is basically over and I checked and the linkup expired on the original post, but look at me. I’m going to break the rules.

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Poisoned Mind is the story of Crys, a girl who moves across the country, leaving behind a broken friendship, but is given a chance to heal when she makes new friends. However, things aren’t always as they seem and sometimes you can’t trust what you see with your own eyes…

Introducing Crys. Her full name is Crystal White (nod to Snow White, there).

What are they addicted to/can’t live without?

Crys doesn’t have any serious addictions, but she can’t live without friends. She’s pretty much all extrovert (something I’m finding very hard to write), and doesn’t like being alone with just her thoughts.

Name 3 positive and 3 negative qualities about your character.

Positive: she’s empathetic, easily motivated, and charismatic. It’s not hard for people to like her.

Negative: she’s easy to manipulate, is always contradicting herself (i.e. Both welcoming and detesting change at the same time), and a little too self centered.

Are they holding onto something they should get rid of?

Yes. She has a lot of emotional baggage after she lost a very near and dear friend. She has a mirror that the friend gave her that she holds on to as well. Getting rid of both would help her move on, but she’s a bit too fixated on living in the past.

If 10 is completely organized and 1 is completely messy, where do they fall on the scale?

she’s probably a 7.5. She’s not the neatest person, but she does have a craving for order and loves redecorating.

What most frustrates them about the world they live in?

Crys lives in our world and while she probably has a lot of complaints about the world in general, most of her dislike goes to the town that she found herself in after her family’s move. She doesn’t like the smallness of it and the loneliness since she’s so far away from anyone, even her next door neighbors. However she doesn’t hate it forever.

How would they dress for a night out? How would they dress for a night in?

For a night out, Crys would wear a dress, fanciness dictated by the situation, accentuated by a string of pearls from her grandmother, and matching earrings she found at a thrift store. She’d wear her heels, sacrificing comfort for looking a bit taller.

For a night in, she’d wear a pair of sweatpants, her fuzzy My Little Pony socks (though she hasn’t watched the show in a decade), and either a band tee or her favorite sweatshirt, though it depends on the temperature inside.

How many shoes do they own, and what kind?

She owns at least seven pairs, a pair of flip flops, a pair of hiking boots, a pair of church sandals, and four or more converse: black, yellow, red, and blue.

Do they have any pets? What pet do they WISH they had?

Crys’s family doesn’t have any pets because of her stepmother’s allergies, but she wishes they had a cat. They used to have one before her parents divorced, but her mother took it with her.

Is there something or someone that they resent? Why and what happened?

Crys, for the most part, resents her stepmother. She sure as heck doesn’t want her actual mother back, but for the longest time she, her brother, and her dad were fine on their own. Then Cecile came into their lives and took away her dad. Crys understands that her dad is happy now and she shouldn’t be upset, but she still feels like Cecile stole something important and is trying to fill shoes not meant for her.

What’s usually in their fridge or pantry?

Crys has quite the love for apples and coffee, and always has a supply of peanut butter in the pantry.


 

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CRYS//

Thank you for reading! Hopefully I’ll have the first draft finished soon and once that’s edited and rewritten, I’ll be open to having beta readers, if anyone’s interested…

Meanwhile, enjoy this collage I made. The pictures are from pinterest (probably should find a better source, or at least check the original source, because copyright issues and such).

See y’all soon!

Catherine